Archive for the 'Sketch Comedy' Category

The Racist Shop Owner Sketch

This sketch is a little racist. I’m not gonna lie. But hopefully, everyone will just look past it and laugh.

The setting is a mall or just a store. A man walks by to see a sign that says “no Blacks”. He is appalled and goes into the store to talk to the owner.

Man

Are you the owner of this place?

Owner

I sure am. What can I do you for?

MAN

I was actually passing by and I noticed the sign up front.

OWNER

Oh yeah? Which one?

MAN

Which one? Really?

OWNER

There are lots of signs out front.

MAN

I’m talking about the racist one. The “No Blacks” sign. You can’t have that up. It’s discriminatory.

OWNER

I think you misunderstand.

MAN

How can I misunderstand a sign that says “No Blacks”?

OWNER

It’s to keep out people with the last name Black.

MAN

Really?

OWNER

Conrad Black, Jack Black, Sirius Black.

MAN

Oh. My mistake. I thought that sign was to keep black people out.

OWNER

Oh, no. That’s what the other sign is for.

The shop keep points to a help wanted sign.

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The Book Store Sketch

This is a sketch I wrote and want to shoot. You never know. It could be all right. :/

At the Böök Store

A man walks into the store.

customer

Hello. I saw your sign outside. Is this the Book store?

Clerk

(With a Swedish accent on the word Böøk)

This is the Böøk Store.

CUSTOMER

Good. I was wondering if you have the latest book by Dou-

CLERK

(Interrupting)

Sorry we don’t sell books.

CUSTOMER

Really? You seem yo have plenty of them all along the shelves here.

CLERK

Those aren’t books.

CUSTOMER

Well what are they?

CLERK

Böøks.

CUSTOMER

You’re just saying books with a fake swedish accent.

CLERK

How dare you!

CUSTOMER

I’m sorry?

CLERK

My Swedish accent is impeccable.

CUSTOMER

You’re speaking in a normal accent now! You only use your accent when you say books!

CLERK

Now you’re saying I cannot say böøks properly? Get out of my böøk store!

CUSTOMER

You did it again!

CLERK

I did not.

CUSTOMER

Say books.

CLERK

Böøks.

CUSTOMER

Books.

CLERK

Böøks.

CUSTOMER

Boo-

CLERK

Böø-

CUSTOMER

This is ridiculous.

CLERK

You, sir, are ridiculous.

A second customer walks in.

Customer 2

Hi. Where do you keep the böøks?

CLERK

In the back.

CUSTOMER 2

Cheers.

He walks off.

CUSTOMER

(flabbergasted)

What was that?!

CLERK

What?

CUSTOMER

I just asked you where the books were a minute ago and you said you didn’t have any.

CLERK

We don’t have any books!

CUSTOMER

Where did that other man go?!

CLERK

…to look at the böøks!

CUSTOMER

I don’t get you!

CLERK

What do you want from me?!

CUSTOMER

(Pause.)

BOOKS!

CLERK

No books!

CUSTOMER

Well, what is it that you sell other than not books?!

CLERK

Porno and children into slavery.

CUSTOMER

Oh, right on. I’ll take one of each then.


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