Puzzle: A Short Film in Progress.

Scene 1: The set up

The film starts with the camera moving from the street to the front door of the house. I want long slow camera movements. The camera goes from street to front door. The door opens and the camera still crawls about. All you hear is a squeaky bed in the background. Very faint. Camera still trawling the house. It moves about like a cat burglar . Showing all the knick-knacks and trivial things that is in this mans house. It’s all typical things. The camera moves upstairs and makes it’s way to the bed room. There are a man and a woman going at it. Unlovingly. The man ontop and the woman just laying there. Legs spread. Dead star fish type. No emotion. The camera goes extra slow now. Moving onto the couple. It’s clear these two aren’t enjoying the sex.

Tobias

I think… I think I’m done.

Susie

Did you come?

TOBIAS

…No. Did you?

SUSIE

No.

TOBIAS

Do you want me to keep going? I don’t mind.

SUSIE

It’s up to you.

TOBIAS

Well, what if I go down on you?

SUSIE

Gross, Tobias. Your penis was just there.

TOBIAS

It was just a suggestion.

SUSIE

A disgusting suggestion.

TOBIAS

(Sigh)All right. I guess we’re done then. I just have to go to the bathroom and I’ll come right back to bed.

Tobias puts on his underwear cautiously. As if he doesn’t want his girlfriend to see his penis. Like he’s self conscious about it. She rolls onto her side and goes to bed. Tobias looks at her and sighs. He closes the door on his way out. He makes his way to the bathroom. He looks in the mirror at himself. He pulls down his drawers and inspects his penis as if he feels something is wrong with it. He lifts the seat and sits down on the toilet sans underwear. You see his arm moving like he’s trying to get his orchestra going. It gets there and then he has a furious fap session and comes. He cleans himself up and facepalms himself as if he feels ashamed about what he did. He gets up and looks himself in the mirror again. He shakes his head this time. Flicks off the light and leaves. He starts walking back to the bed room when he hears a humming noise. His girl friend was using a vibrator. He looks through the crack of the door to see. She finishes, puts it away and Tobias makes his entrance back into the room. He lays down in bed next to her. The lights off. All you can see is the shadow outlines. He sniffs and smells her wet pussy. Sighs. Goes to sleep.

Tobias wakes up. He puts on his house coat and meanders downstairs to see his girlfriend cooking breakfast. He goes to kiss her but she turns her head

SUSIE

I told you! No kissing until you brush your teeth. I hate morning breath.

TOBIAS

Sorry, I forgot. What’s for breakfast?

SUSIE

Just eggs and bacon. I have to get going to work. I have this big presentation to do and I need to impress the clients. They’re in the frying pan. I gotta go.

TOBIAS

Honey, I need to ask. Do you think there’s something wrong with our sex life?

SUSIE

What makes you think that? We have sex once a week. That’s healthy.

TOBIAS

I dunno. It’s just… wouldn’t you like to do it more?

SUSIE

I was reading that continual penetration can make women go into menopause much earlier. DO you really want that? Me to be a sterile wasteland?

TOBIAS

(Sometimes.)

No, honey. Forget I brought it up.

SUSIE

Do you want to have sex twice this week? Will that make you feel better?

TOBIAS

… sure. I guess… I–

SUSIE

Good. I’ll try to pencil some time into my schedule for it. Remember, I won’t be home until later tonight. I got yoga tonight.

TOBIAS

(Yippee)

Thanks, sweetie.

SUSIE

I have to go now honey. Bye!

TOBIAS

I lov–

She slams the door interrupting him.

TOBIAS

–you.

Smoke starts coming from the kitchen. Susie left the burner with the eggs and bacon on burning it. He rushes over and turns the burner off and waves a dish cloth in front of the smoke detector hoping it won’t go off.

Scene 2: The Build up

Tobias is working in his studio. He’s painting. He’s about to put his brush to canvas but then it flashes to him dreaming about sex. Faceless sex. Sex with a stranger. Shadows over her face. Back to Tobias. He pulls the brush back. Shakes his head. goes to do it again but this time it’s a vision of him eating out a stranger. He can’t get this stranger fantasy out of his head.

TOBIAS

I just need some coffee. I’ll go out and get some coffee and that’ll get me back on track.

He drives to the coffee shop. Walks in and gets in line. An attractive girl comes from behind him and lines up.

Mandi

What’s on the menu?

TOBIAS

Pardon me?

MANDI

What’re you getting? I like seeing what peoples orders are to see if I can peg them.

TOBIAS

You think you can guess what I’ll get?

MANDI

If I’m wrong, I’ll buy it for you.

TOBIAS

Sure, fine. Let’s do this.

MANDI

Hm… well, you seem like the typical guy. The guy who doesn’t like inconveniencing people. So, something simple. Hm… vanilla latte. Vanilla since you’re on the plain side.

TOBIAS

Ha. Not at all.

Barista

Next!

TOBIAS

(Stares at the menu)

…

MANDI

I guessed it right, didn’t I? And now, you’re lost since you can’t order your regular.

TOBIAS

(Bitch.)

Yeah. All right. You got me pegged.

MANDI

Haha. Well, since you’re such a good sport I’ll buy your coffee. How about that?

TOBIAS

I… yeah, sure. That sounds good.

They both get their coffee and sit at opposite ends of the café. She occasionally catches him glancing at her.

MANDI

You know, there’s no point in us sitting this far away from each other. We are the ONLY ones in here. You want some company?

TOBIAS

Yeah, sure. Come on over.

MANDI

I was going to come over anyway. No matter what you said.

TOBIAS

Intrude much?

MANDI

Anti-social much?

TOBIAS

I just like keeping to myself. Mainly.

MANDI

I can tell.

TOBIAS

Is that so?

MANDI

Yup. You’re painfully transparent. I can guess almost everything about you.

TOBIAS

The drink was one thing but my personal life is something new entirely.

MANDI

Let me take a stab at it? I promise it’ll only hurt as much as you want it to.

TOBIAS

Fine. Let’s see your powers at work.

MANDI

Well, you’re vanilla. you like things plain and simple. Work at home? Computers? No, too complicated. Artist. You’re an artist.

TOBIAS

You got that one.

MANDI

You keep doing freelance stuff. Stuff that pays the bills but you can never work on your own projects. Something distracts you?

TOBIAS

Okay. What’s distracting me?

MANDI

It’s gonna be hard to say for sure but you’re a linear thinker. So, I’m gonna have to say that you’re not fucking thinking and too busy thinking about fucking.

TOBIAS

Gross. No way.

MANDI

What’s gross? Fucking?

TOBIAS

Sex is not an appropriate subject for the public.

MANDI

Really? Because I could have sworn that the majority of the planet has had sex.

TOBIAS

Yeah but it’s not a proper conversation topic.

MANDI

Why not? We’re all thinking about it. Even if it’s in the back of our minds.

TOBIAS

It’s not in the back of MY mind.

MANDI

Bullshit! I call bullshit!

TOBIAS

It’s true!

MANDI

Liar. I’ve thought about sex at least 7 times since I’ve been in here.

TOBIAS

… but… it’s just you and me in here…were you thinking…of…

MANDI

Wouldn’t you like to know?

She gets up to leave as she hits the door, she pauses and turns around. She lifts her skirt and shows her panties.

MANDI

Try not thinking about it now.

She leaves. Tobias is flabbergasted. And doesn’t know what to think. Tobias finishes his coffee and leaves. He makes his way back to his studio and sits down to paint. The camera is behind the easel and Tobias starts painting. The camera rotates around him. All he’s painted was a giant vagina.

TOBIAS

Shit.